Thursday, 14 October 2010

Pick Up Lines - The World's Worst!

These pickup lines are terrible, but it always pays to have a few in reserve to break the ice and cause a chuckle.  You'll probably not use these as status updates but better to post them to on the wall of your intended or use them on your next night out!

Here are our favourites, use them with caution!

GOOD LUCK! (You'll need it!) Oh, and if any works, please tell us which one(s) you used!




Did you fart? Because you blew me away

You must be in a wrong place - the Miss Universe contest is over there.

Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?

I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true

Are you a magnet cuz im attracted to you

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.

I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.

Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems

"Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?"

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.

Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.

I know I dont have a chance, but I just wanted to hear an angel talk.

Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?

Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.

Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.

Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here.

POOF! (What are u doing?) I'm here, where are your other two wishes?

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.

Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!

If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!

Do you have the time? (she gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down .

Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle.

Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful.

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.

Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?

You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me.

I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you.

You look life my first wife! (how many have you had?) none.

Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?

I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say... "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."

This is a test of the emergency pickup line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pickup line.

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out.

If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.

Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.

Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.

Your body is a wonderland and i want to be Alice.

I'm like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but im as sweet as can be.

Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

Are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart.

Did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!

I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.

You've been a bad girl/boy. Go to my room.

If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.

Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

Like the sheets on your bed I want cover you with love.

Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

Are you an alien?, because you just abducted my heart.

What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

I can tell your future, it is you giving me your number.

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

Giant polar bear (What?) It's an icebreaker. Hi, my name is....

Your so hot when i look at you I get a tan

I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you.

You look so sweet your givin me a toothache.

My love for you is like the universe...neverending!!

If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.

You - "Did it hurt". The other person will naturally say "Did what hurt?", You - "When you fell from heaven."

Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.

Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!

You say "I bet you £5 I can kiss you without using my lips." She says, "Bet's on." You kiss her then say, "I lost."

You got something on your chest: my eyes

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.

I don't know if you're beautiful or not, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!

The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight.

I wanna bag you like some groceries.

kiss me if I am wrong, but isn't your name (take a guess)...Janice????


I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.

If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.

Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.

You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.

If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?

Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.

Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Be unique and different, say yes.

Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.

Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.

Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause
the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.

You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.

You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen

There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.

Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day
I got married, and the day that I met you.

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.

Are you an interior decorator? When i saw you the room became beautiful.

There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!

You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.

Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!

You look beautiful today, just like every other day.

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.

If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?

I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.

Do you have the time? [Tells you the time] No, the time to write down my number?

Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Shazaam!"?

Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications
such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!

I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

Hello are you married? [Yes] Well I didn't hear you say "happily".

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn't ask you how you looked!

Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.

How was heaven when you left it?

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

I didn't know that angels could fly so low!

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!

Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.

Is your name "swiffer"? 'Cause you just swept me off my feet.

Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!

If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?

Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?

Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

(As she is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? (What?) Me!

Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!

Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.

Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.

If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.

Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth!

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.

[Point at her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"

Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.

You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.

You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.

(Ask a person for the time) 9:15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.

Pinch me. [Why?] You're so fine I must be dreaming.

if I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath!

Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!

I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.

When God made you, he was showing off.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.

Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.

You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

Baby, you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.

Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!

You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!

Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?

Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?

Let's make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle

I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.

Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.

If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?

How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm (insert name here).

Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.

Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?

When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.

Hey baby. You got a jersey? [A jersey?...Why?] Because I need your name and number.


This time next year let’s be laughing together.

Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?

Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!

Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.

Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!

I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

I sneezed because God blessed me with you.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?

Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!

Wow! Are those real?

Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.

You are the reason men fall in love.

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.

You look like my third wife. [how many time have you been married?] Twice.

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

You should be someone's wife.

Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!

You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...

If god made any thing better than you he keep it for him self.

Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!

There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!

Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.

You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.

You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.

Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.

You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)

Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.

Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.

Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!

Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.

Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.

Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.

If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.

How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.

I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.


You are a 9 - you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

You're so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces.

My buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?


Hey baby, you've got somthing on your butt: my eyes.

This isn't a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.

I don't know you, but I think I love you already.

You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.

Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart.

if we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)

Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...

Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!

See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.

You're hotter than donut grease.

Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.

I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.

I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.

If you were a steak you would be well done.

It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.

Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!

Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.



Sunday, 10 October 2010

Famous Romantic Quotes

All love is sweet, given or returned. 
~Percy Bysshe Shelly~ 

Love distils desire upon the eyes, love brings bewitching grace into the heart. 
~Euripides~ 

Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one. 
~John Keats~ 

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. 
~George Sand~ 

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight of recognition. 
~Alexander Smith~ 

Love is the beauty of the soul. 
~St. Augustine~ 

What I do and what I dream include thee, as the wine must taste of its own grapes. 
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning~ 

But to see her was to love her, love but her, and love her forever. 
~Robert Burns~ 

When love reigns the impossible may be attained. 
~Indian proverb~ 

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. 
~Karen Sunde~ 

A life without love is like a year without summer. 
~Swedish proverb~ 

Love is a beautiful dream. 
~William Sharpe~ 

All mankind love a lover. 
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ 

A caress is better than a career. 
~Elizabeth Marburg~ 

Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life. 
~Aphra Behn~ 

There is no heaven like mutual love. 
~George Granville~ 

Talking of love is making it. 
~W.G. Benham~ 

The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love. 
~Terence~ 

Love can turn the cottage into a golden palace. 
~German proverb~ 

When the heart clings to a lover, who cares what caste he be? 
~Indian proverb~ 

When two hearts are one, even the king cannot separate them. 
~Turkish proverb~ 

Love conquers all things: Let us too give in to love. 
~Virgil~ 

With you I should love to live, with you be ready to die. 
~Horace~ 

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. 
~Song of Solomon~ 

Love cometh like sunshine after rain. 
~William Shakespeare~ 

Love is never having to say you're sorry. 
~Erich Segal Love Story~ 

No cord nor cable can so forcibly draw, or hold so fast, as love can do with a twined thread. 
~Robert Burton~ 

Oh, what a dear ravishing thing is the beginning of an amour! 
~Aphra Behn~ 

No, there's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dream. 
~Thomas Moore~ 

Love doesn't just lay there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made all the time, made new. 
~Ursula K. Leguin~ 

A noble hunger, long unsatisfied, met at last its proper food. 
~C.S. Lewis on falling in love~ 

Love looks not with eyes, but with the mind. 
~William Shakespeare~ 

Love must blossom. Through love will grow the trees and the bushes. 
~Joost van der Vondel~ 

There is a name hidden in the shadow of my soul, where I read it night and day and no other eye sees it. 
~Alphonse de Lamartine~ 

Without love, I should be spiritless. 
~Francois Maynard~ 

You had my heart, and I yours; a heart for a heart, good fortune for good fortune. 
~Marcelline Desbordes`Valmore~ 

Since we shall love each other, I shall be great and you shall be rich. 
~Victor Hugo~ 

Your heart is mine; there I reign. I am content. 
~Pierre de Corneille~ 

Love guides the stars towards each other, the world plan endures only through love. 
~J.C.F. von Schiller~ 

One glance, one word from you gives more pleasure than all the wisdom of this world. 
~J.W. von Goethe~ 

Love and the gentle heart are but the same thing. 
~Dante~ 

Let your heart melt toward me, just as the ice that melts in spring leaves no trace of its chill. 
~Kokin Shu~ 

He who shall never be divided from me kissed my mouth all trembling. 
~Dante~ 

Sunday, 3 October 2010

Computer & I.T Facebook & Twitter Status Updates

A hacker does for love what others would not do for money

A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Air conditioned environment - Do NOT open Windows!

All computers wait at the same speed.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!

All you need to know is the user interface.

Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."

Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.

Any program that runs right is obsolete.

A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?

A program is never finished until the programmer dies.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.

A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?

Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

Buy a Pentium IV 2GHz so you can reboot faster.

Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.

COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.

Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.

Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.

Computer programmers do it byte by byte.

Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.

Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.

Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.

Computers can never replace human stupidity.

Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.

Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?

Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.

Don't document the program; program the document.

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Don't let the computer bugs bite!

DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!

DOS Tip #1: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

DOS Tip #2: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...

Every bug you find is the last one.

Every time I type 'win', I loose ...

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.

.....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!

Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....

Hit any user to continue.

Home is where the computer is plugged in.

How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...

I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.

If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?

I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking

It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.

It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.

It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...

I wish life has a scroll back buffer.

Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.

Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.

MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.

Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!

My computer can beat me at chess, let's see if it can beat my baseball bat!

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"

No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.

Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?

One person's error is another person's data.

One picture is worth 128K words.

Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.

Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!

Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.

Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....

Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.

RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.

Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.

Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

Speed Kills! Use Windows 95.

System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.

The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.

The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

The name is Baud......, James Baud.

The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.

The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.

The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.

There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.

These settings will have no effect until you restart the system.

Reset Universe (Y/N) ?

Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!

To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

User error: replace user and press any key to continue.

Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.

What boots up must come down.

Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?

Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?

Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?

Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.

WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.

Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.

You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.

You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.

You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.

You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.