Facebook Status Ideas

[your name] served in the military under General Apathy.

[your name] is trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.

[your name] Facts: 1) Ninjas are mammals. 2) Ninjas fight ALL the time. 3) The purpose of the Ninja is to flip out and kill people.

[your name] found a shortcut for next week’s marathon.

[your name] is revoking your creative license.

[your name] is leveraging core competencies across the extraprise

[your name], it turns out, isn’t a Jedi

[your name]’s hobby is collecting dust

[your name] puts the pro in procrastinate

[your name] hears a voice in his head saying, “hey, can I join in?”

[your name] needs to learn how to type with more than two fingers

[your name] is hammering out a wicked comeback

[your name] is Jack’s complete lack of surprise.

[your name] is calm as a Hindu cow

[your name] is so fly he’s growing wings.

[your name] needs help watering the plastic flowers.

[your name] is going through a shrinking spurt.

[your name] can do astonishing feats of MENTALISM!

[your name] says, do me a favor, and don’t do me anymore favors!

[your name] suffers from uncontrollable falling down.

[your name] says, Absotively posilutely!

[your name] is learning the art of driving a giant, nuclear powered duck.

[your name] says, cannibals are what they eat.

[your name] is on a joyride to sanity looking for his marbles.

[your name]’s train of thought has derailed

[your name]’s mono isn’t getting better…it could turn into stereo.

[your name] says, electric heaters make great house-warming gifts!

[your name] is flossing with angel hair pasta.

[your name] has zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.

[your name] wonders, chai tea vs. tai chi?

[your name] wants you to know, there’s a great juggler on the radio tonight!

[your name] is amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes.

[your name] has a marvelous collection of spam recipes

[your name] is wondering, what does cheese say when you take its picture?

[your name] is reading ASAP’s Fables.

[your name] says, It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you.

[your name] is doing National Bring Your Hamster to work day.

[your name] says, It’s a small world so you have to use your elbows a lot.

[your name] is asking for your daughter’s paw in marriage.

[your name] now knows the hazards of storing plutonium in Tupperware.

[your name] is workin’ like a one-armed paper-hanger with an itch…

[your name] thinks its cheaper to fly to Old Zealand than New Zealand.

[your name] is cooking pork chops in the toaster

[your name] says, save the whales! Collect the whole set!

[your name] is the walrus

[your name] is getting time-off for good behavior.

[your name] asks that you quote him as saying he was misquoted.

[your name] has 20/20 hearing!

[your name] says, Oh no! Not another learning experience!

[your name] says, These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.

[your name] wishes you a Happy New Now!

[your name] says, wake me up when it’s time to go to sleep.

[your name] is carving watermelons on Halloween.

[your name] is eating pasta with chopsticks.

[your name]’s favorite color is Vanna White.

[your name] is sorry he missed you. Stand still next time.

[your name] is out of his mind, but feel free to leave a message.

[your name] is wondering, is your coffee table decaf?

[your name] is dropping science like Galileo dropped the orange